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Originally Posted by My kids are cool
Lauru, I have been in a similar place. Totally thought out, detailed plan and a certainty that acting on that plan was just a matter of when. PLEASE, please, please know that there is help and there is hope. If your current therapist cannot help you, change therapists! I tried repeatedly to find a therapist to help, and actually gave up hope for a while of finding any help. It was someone who loved me who kept kicking me in the *** to try and convince me I didn't have to feel that way for the rest of my life and nagged me finally into trying yet ANOTHER therapist. Finally, that therapist helped me and I was feeling better within a matter of weeks. It was amazing, in retrospect, how fast I felt better. Drugs did not work for me. Analytic type therapy did not work for me. I saw a CBT therapist and he has helped tremendously. Please do not give up. Keep trying.
Do what you can do. Not what you can't.
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Thank you. But I don't think there is hope or help. My T and pdoc are great and have helped me so much. I just am too tired now. It has been a long time, a really long time. I was in group T the other night and someone mentioned she had a picture of herself from before when she was doing really good and that she wanted to get back to the person she was. I don't have a pic like that. I have never been doing good, not even as a small child. And that is so infinitely sad to me. There does not exist a pic of me when I was happy or doing good. That time has never materialized for me. At some point you just gotta say, enough. I give up. I'm tired of trying. I accept that it will never get better. I accept my fate. And I do.
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Lauru-------------That's me, Bipolar and Watching TV 
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
---Robert Frost
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