For the record, I am straight, but not insensitive to orientation and gender issues. My brother is gay, and one of my daughters is bi. I am hoping against hope that this discussion doesn't turn ugly. If it does, I would just as soon drop it, rather than have a fight break out.

My daughter (who has just joined PC but to my knowledge hasn't posted yet, and I'll be sure and point her to this thread) tends to choose friends primarily among non-surgical transgender people, usually with serious psychiatric diagnoses as well. Most of these friends also tend to be homeless or near homeless, I believe due to those mental health problems. (I have my own issues, or else I wouldn't be posting at PsychCentral, but she says I'm the most "normal" person she knows! And I say that's part of her problem, she needs to associate with healthier people, but that's another topic.)

I like to be respectful, but I have to say it frustrates me to constantly be getting the gender wrong. Among my daughter's friends, it seems that those with the female parts are "he," while those with the male parts are "she"--including the one who has impregnated at least three women! Confusing, confusing. I don't want to automatically start reversing the gender when speaking about her friends. One day I might say "he" about a friend with a female body, and it might turn out that no, this one actually is female, and should be called "she."

Daughter tells me that it's the brain, not the anatomy, that decides gender. Male brains are different from female brains, to such a fundamental degree that it even overrides the X and Y chromosomes in determining who is "he" and who is "she." This is what I have trouble accepting. It seems to me that there would be only a short hop from "the sexes have different brains" to "the sexes are not equals." The next logical step is, "Because men and women have different brains, they should not work at the same jobs. Straight women be firefighters? No, they don't have the proper brain for it. Straight men be nurses? No, same answer." Of course this is silly. A straight woman with a female brain has every right to be a firefighter, a soldier, a truck driver, a construction worker, or anything she wants to be. Ditto for straight men with male brains. Nothing says they can't be nurses, kindergarten teachers, cosmetologists, florists, secretaries, or whatever.

Please understand I am not trying to argue against transgender rights. I will address a person by whatever terms that person wishes, and call them by whatever first name they choose. It's the "different brain" thing I don't get. How can the brains be so vitally different, without then pigeonholing the sexes into predetermined roles?