Dear T,

So we had a really great session Friday. I was feeling very upbeat, very hopeful, very happy, very energetic. Had some laughs about how ditzy you were acting because of the cold medicine. Our relationship is great - warm, solid, trusting, caring both ways.
So why, why, why when I come home and I'm sitting reading do these new memories come flooding in and hit me, wham, like bullets all over my body? I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I was so scared I couldn't move for almost five minutes - I just sat there shaking.

I thought I was done with uncovering this sordid ***** from my past - what's going on - why now when I'm suddenly feeling so good for the first time in years? I feel like I'm being punished.

I wrote everything down, put it in an envelope, sealed it and put it away. I can't deal with it or think about it all week until I see you again or I will do something I'll regret. I can't believe I have to wait six days to see you and discuss this. Please be very, very patient and kind with me next week - I'm very frightened right now.