No idea where to write this.
I am beginning to hate being around people. I was always told how friendly and empathetic I was as a little kid, but now I just spend my life shut away in my room. I can't stand being around people, except my parents. I keep getting these angry outbursts that I can't control and I now feel as though I HATE being around my "friends". I feel like I can't trust them, and I don't fit in anywhere. I used to feel lonely, but now I just feel emotionless and don't want to bother making friends, they just up and leave anyway. I'm completely withdrawn. I hate school for the sole reason I have to interact with other people. I would be fine with just teachers because I get on well with adults. I just don't like other people my age. They worry about insignificant things, they can't stand things being different, they are narrow-minded...I know not all of them are like this, but the one's I have met are like this..I also keep getting seriously impatient and irritable with them, even their presence annoys me.
I like to be alone without having to worry about others, and I usually don't want them to talk to me..but then sometimes I get anxious that they hate me and are spreading lies/talk about me behind my back because they won't text me or something. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not social at all, I feel too anxious.
Also, other stuff is happening at the moment but there's too much to write. My thoughts are racing and it's hard to concentrate or focus. I don't really know how I'm managing to write this (spell checker is on, lol). I think I'm dissociating more too.
I know I must sound awful, but I just feel empty. Could his be a part of my psychosis?
I want the old me back. I hate myself now.
|