Hi Rio.

I know this must come as a bit of a shock. That isn't unexpected. I think a part of you, despite saying you wanted genuine, logical advice, wanted us to validate what you feel. That isn't anything abnormal or anything of that nature.

I do think though that this isn't a good thing. Like others, I am not very well versed in the BDSM culture, but I don't think he should like it when you hurt yourself...that isn't okay. At all. Someone who loves you wouldn't want to see you hurt yourself (at least in the manner you're talking about...I understand BDSM can accompany a little...roughness, for lack of better wording, but that's different). Furthermore, I don't think the fact that he's married is a good thing, even if you are okay with an open relationship. Marriage is supposed to be love a dedication to one person and one person alone. If he wants to be in an open relationship, he doesn't need to be married, you know? That strikes me as a huge red flag. Just because his marriage is not going well is not an excuse.

I think the fact that he doesn't encourage you is bad in itself...it shows a very self centered attitude and a lack of concern for you outside of sex, which is unhealthy. If I were you, I would get out of this and find someone your age. I don't think this is you...this is him. He is the problem here, not you.

I hope I was of some help. Take care. I will be praying for you.

EDIT: My post got in a little late. I think you're making a very wise decision in reconsidering. Again, take care.