I slept like crap last night because I kept thinking about that conversation. It really shouldn't bother like it does since I have been suspecting that I had gotten worse because of the guilt that came out of my black hole of denial to due with my great aunt's death. But, a co-worker told me that I'm always happy. I had to make her repeat it because I couldn't believe that someone would say that about me lately. I mean I cry at work, on the way home from school or work and at the grocery store. Besides, I have an odd "I don't care" attitude that i am afraid might make me late to work. I can't understand why I tend to get stuck like this. I suppose it's because I have always been a negative thinker. I suspect that she will get me with the further questions in the next session because I know it will come up. I don't think I can stand to talk to her again without talking about that and my odd tendency of seeing myself as crazy, mentally ill or mentally weak. I am studying addiction counseling. Yet, I still perceive myself as weak because I developed an compulsive need to talk to a T. I don't want to feel embarrased or humiliated by my strange need to talk to a T. But, I don't know hows come talking to her doesn't have a stronger positive effect. I suspect that is why she said that. Well, I thought I'd ramble a little before bed in the hopes of emptying my mind of its worries in order to sleep better tonight.