Those are both very good points. I have talked with him about it a little bit. When our son was a newborn, he spent all day on the computer. He worked really hard as an independent contractor, made a lot of money, and then wasted it by taking almost a year off and playing video games all day. I offered to go back to work, but he said he wanted to handle the finances and that he felt our son would be better off with me at home to take care of him. I really wanted to stay home with him for the first year, so I accepted this as an agreement between us and expected him to handle the finances while I took care of the baby. I did my part, but he didn't do his. Instead he would go to another room and play games all the time. We did spend some time together, but the time we spent was only a fraction of the time he dedicated to gaming. This started to annoy me after a while, since I felt like I was making a lot of sacrifices and he was making almost none. When the money ran out, I again suggested I go back to work. He found a job which would cover expenses, so I took on a non profit job that would cover my student loans so he wouldn't be burdened with them (I had money saved from when I was working, so he didn't pay my loans during my maternity leave). After that year was over, I finally got the courage to tell him that his gaming was excessive, in my opinion, and that I felt like our family always came second.

Shezbut, you hit the nail on the head with your observation that he might be depressed. When I confronted him about his gaming, he confessed that he was overwhelmed by fatherhood and didn't feel ready to be a family man. He said that he did some soul searching and decided that he wanted to stay in the relationship and try to make our family work. Since then he has taken some very large steps in being a more present father and partner. I guess it still bothers me that even though he has made a lot of progress, we still don't seem to connect. I feel like he connects more with his online friends than with me. I thought for a while that maybe I was too demanding, and asked him what I could do to make him happier. He said that I wasn't demanding and that my expectations were legitimate. Still, his constant need to play games bothers me a little. I don't mind if it's once a day for an hour or too, but he will spend 10 to 15 minutes with the family, and then go play a game, and then spend another 10 or 15 minutes, and then a game...and so on. I have things that I would rather do, but I put my son first, and I put my relationship first. I try to keep the house clean for us and for our son. I play with our son all day, and then am expected to watch him most of the night as well. Because of his attitude towards my friends, I have little social life. When I suggest that we leave our son with my parents so we can go out or have time off, he claims that my mother is abusive and doesn't want to leave him there. He doesn't seem to understand, despite my efforts to communicate it, that I need time away from my son so I can also replenish and have personal space. This sort of problem is not constant. Sometimes we will have a week or a month when things look promising, but it doesn't take long for his habits to fall back into place and leave me taking on most of the responsibilities. I am about to start a full time job, and honestly can't wait.

I fear that we are making each other unhappy. We want to stay together so our son will grow up healthy - mentally and physically. It is difficult, though. My partner hates living in the state that we live in and wants to move. I have supported him in this, but have told him that he needs to make it happen because he tends to talk instead of doing. I'm tired of picking up the slack and being the one to make things happen, so I refuse to waste energy on an unnecessary, and possibly disastrous, move.

I am not sure if he would act differently towards someone else if he and I were to break up. I think his core personality is quite selfish. His ex and I have communicated a lot, and my partner talks about their relationship in great detail. She apparently didn't feel like he cared about her, because he was distant and analytical towards her and their relationship issues as well.

Maybe I should just give up and move on? Maybe it's not the gaming that really concerns me...but the fact that he might feel trapped in a lifestyle that doesn't suit him. Honestly, I would rather be in a relationship with someone who is interested in parenting WITH me, rather than doing the bare minimum to simply slide by. I am someone who strives to be the best person I can be. He doesn't seem as enthusiastic about growing, and would rather talk about how he already knows everything he needs to know. It's frustrating.

Sorry for the rambling...I think you guys helped me actually get to the core of my dilemma, rather than placing blame in certain areas. Now I feel like even if he was to give up gaming forever, it wouldn't make him any more interested in being a good partner or parent.

Sigh. And I still don't want to leave him.