bipolar 2, anxiety, & who knows what else is going on, they were evaluating me for borderline personality disorder but i haven't heard anything else about it.

i am a binge eater & a sugar addict. sugar is like crack to me, & i have actually smoked crack. but i only did that once, so i guess sugar is much, much worse than crack to me. i eat for all sorts of reasons, but especially when i'm sad or stressed. i found myself wishing the other day anything in my life made me as happy as food does. lots of stuff used to make me happy, but i have been down for so long now, it seems like food is all the comfort i have left. sometimes when i eat i think to myself "i just want to eat myself to death" & if i could physically do it i would eat till i exploded.

i try to do better, & when i am on an even keel i eat better & exercise, but when i get manic or depressed it all goes out the window. my habit building is in a constant state of being built up & knocked back down, mostly being knocked down. every time i have to rebuild there's an added layer of failure to dig through.