It is tough. I agree that you can't give someone self-esteem. They have to get it by accomplishing things. And my son doesn't seem to be willing or able to do the things necessary to accomplish anything. He's nearly incapacitated by anxiety over the job hunt. And he doesn't have the kinds of interests that would lead to a hobby, for example, where he'd achieve something.

I found this little article from the Mayo Clinic which recommends a sort of CBT/mindfulness approach - being aware of changing self-talk. (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-esteem/MH00129) My son has been taking this approach somewhat, and it's somewhat helpful, but he does seem to use it as an excuse to stop trying far short of goal. ("I've already achieved a lot and people envy me, so I should quit working on this before I get 'too perfect.'")

Last week he told me he's already tried really hard and achieved a lot - for example, he went out for track in high school and worked so hard at one practice that he nearly vomited. This happened over a decade ago, and my recollection is that he dropped out of track before he competed in any meets. Yet he's going to rest on these particular laurels? He nearly vomited when he was 16? I find that attitude frustrating. I suppose what lies under it is fear. He's afraid if he tries he'll fail. But the statement that he nearly vomited when he was 16 so he's excused from ever making any effort again for the rest of his life is so patently absurd, I just don't know how to respond to him.