I have a really bad habit of saying Yes as most of us on PC do I am sure.
This is a bit long but I am really frustrated. Background first....this is only one eg of many situations.
There is this 10yr old kid who is/was friends with my daughter. He has a serious brain injury due to a 4wheeler accident with no helmet. He has really bad bouts of aggression and is physical, seems too that there is no impulse control (I think this is honestly intentional and part excuse for mother allowing it is she is lost as to what to do and "He has a brain injury") He grins widely almost looking evil while he is trying to egg people on and talks about beating people up ALL the time.
I know that sounds terrible but let me explain why I say that, before his accident this kid got suspended 8 times in one year, various reasons - fire alarm numerous times, he brought perfume to school with the intention of spraying his teacher with scent allergies (he told the kids in the class why he brought it) he did it and they had to evacuate her and needed to be taken to hospital he thought it was all hilarious. These are only a few of his actions.
There are so many things that this family has gone through and I feel like I want to help but it seems to me that I am putting them ahead of my family and saying yes to helping him. I do like his mother and want to help her. However my kids and I are exhausted after he leaves and Hubby is really tired of hearing him threaten me. I have told his mother about every instance including him threatening to punch my 4yr old daughter(the last straw). I believe he would do it. I do want to help them but just not every time the Kid asks like he wanted to come back today I had him all day yesterday for almost 12hrs and I lied and said that I had company coming
I have such a hard time saying NO and I mean a really hard time I don't even like saying it to my Hubby of 17yrs. I always feel like I have to say yes or they will hate me and consider me selfish...it really is a deep fear that causes me some serious panic & grief.
My T says to just say NO (that it is OK) but it really isn't that easy for me even the idea of saying it causes me stomach pain, crying fits and complete panic to the point of actually fainting.
My ? is how do you guys deal with situations like this to get past the anxiety and just say NO without having to result to lying or feeling guilty about it.
I just needed to get this off my chest where I know no one will get mad at me and it won't hurt anyone. I even edited this post 3 times just in case the parent involved might be on here and read it, that's the level of fear it causes me.
(Tagged post as a trigger jic)
Thanks for listening and any help guys
Nams