Buggs - Thanks for the tip. My regular primary care physician has been the one to advise me to apply for SSDI. He says that I am probably "slow" on my job and not performing adequately due to depression. (They dismissed me from the clinic site for not keeping up with the pace.)

I have a new resident pdoc. I have no idea what he will say about this issue. People tell me that I would have a right to expect him to be supportive.

The pain in my neck is disabling, and it has caused me tremendous anxiety. The anxiety seems to lead to horrible depression. I have been in bed the past 36 hours and that has eased the soreness. I must not stay on the computer for more than a few minutes.

I have lost over 5 pounds this past week. I am eating very little and don't seem to care, as long as I have some juice or water to drink. I am shivering with nervousness at times.

I have paperwork to follow up with, but I don't even know where all the paperwork is. My apartment is becoming a mess. I have no idea where my cell phone is. I don't even go out to check the mail. I am afraid that, if I apply for anything, I will lose my Unemployment Insurance check. Also, I fear that the fact that I am collecting Unemployment will undermine me making any claim for disability.

I get into the most horrible state of mind. The worst ideas coming to my head, and I try and read to change my thought pattern. I feel exhausted.

I blame myself for everything. I think I am only in this fix because I have not been trying hard enough to make a go of things. I want to ask a sister about her ability to potentially help me financially, if I get into a jam. But I am afraid to call her. We are not close. She has told me, in the past, that people get depressed, only if they let themselves be. She has told me that my main problem is that I "dwell"on things too much. In my family, my being depressed was always something I had to not talk about.