Its the nature of the disease splitimage...it progresses and worsens. The chances of treating your drinking on your own with good results are next to nill...get help fast. Us drinkers usally think no one knows when in fact they do. If you are honest with your employer and tell them you need to seek help I'll bet you get alot of support from them ie. they would hold the job while you get treatment etc. Don't beat yourself up..what you are dealing with IS a disease. Your body processes alcohol differently than a social drinkers creating that more more more feeling. Staying away from the first drink is the key. Hang is there. And find some help and life will get better beyond your wildest imaginings!