Rohan I never thought of just asking Hubby to say it for me.
As for the letter I have other situations with many of the people in my life that are all doing the same thing, they all have situations/issues of their own and everyone else has walked away from them I don't want them or me to feel like I am abandoning them too. I am really stuck. I keep coming up with reasons in my own head why I have to keep doing this and it always comes down to what they need first.
I try to limit his involvement with my kids by playing with him myself but it is getting too much for me. He told me that he would hit my daughter after I took a spit tube away from him. I am so pathetic, when his Mom dropped him off he had this spit wad tube with him and proceeded to spit wads of paper at me while her and I talked. After she left I was so mad at her and myself for sitting there allowing him to do it not once but 3 times. I was hoping she would do something but she didn't so I sat there like an idiot and let him spit on me, I feel so dumb. I took the tube away only after he spat one at my oldest daughter (12yrs)after she clearly told him if he did it she'd freak. I told his Mom after she came to pick him up about the threat he made and the trigger that started his threats and 1/2hr long tirade of name calling. I down played it like it wasn't a big deal when it clearly was. Why, I don't know.
Thanks for reading guys I am just feeling so frustrated and feeling stupid, I feel like everyone else besides me comes first and genuinely Don't know why.

Hugz
Nams