I go through phases of cancelling my appointments. T has never taken this at face value, and assumes I will go, and so far I always have.

This week, for the first time she said 'You've never not come', and it felt horrid, the way she can be so sure I'll always come running back because I can't stay away I told her that I felt that not showing up was becoming more of a possibility, and we both agreed this was a good thing. I think it's because slowly but surely, there is more to my relationship with T than this day we are in right now. So a bad day is less of a tragedy, because there will be other days, and not showing up to a session is not quite the end of the world, because there will be other chances. I have yet to test out this not-quite-the-end-of-the-world theory though, mostly because I pay more for therapy than I can afford, so the sheer panic of having to pay means that I show up.