Thanks for the replies.

I know what the ex did to me (the actual boyfriend) was rape, he was abusive and threatened me many times with it.

The "relationship" with that one guy was where I have questions. I don't know why all these yrs it's coming up and i'm wondering about it. I guess trigger's can do that sometimes...

More people then not are telling me that it was rape.
I guess I am just trying to figure it out myself.
Or maybe I don't want to hear definition's for what he did, cause one rape is enough, you know what I mean ... even though what the ex did wasn't violent etc at the time, but he as, does that make sense?

The other guy used me basically as his sex toy, I never got any enjoyment really out of intercourse with him, I just laid there.

He didn't have any respect for me, one time during he triggered my by pushing my head down and I ended it after that night.

Blah.

Sorry for rambling.