That makes perfect sense. I understand what you're saying, and I understand your perspective.

I know it's difficult to doubt him on the basis of "What if's...". It's difficult to sit down and try to compute "calculated risks" in matters of the heart. But I really think you're playing a game of Russian Roulette here, and the risks outweigh the gains. Of course, that is only my thoughts on it.

I hope you can take Open Eyes' advice to heart. Why not take some time to find out what you enjoy, find hobbies and interests that are fulfilling to you? I think that'll help address that feeling of nonexistence you have when alone.

At any rate, you are in all of our thoughts as you go through this. You are not alone.