There is nothing to be sorry about....your feelings of sadness are definitely the appropriate emotions for all you are going through & have gone through......considering that many of the emotions weren't processed at the time they occurred.

I have found in my many number of years of life that all the unprocessed emotions that built up inside of me did just like a glass of water that keeps filling.....you know how it gets rounded over the top until just that one little drop makes is overflow......when we don't process those emotions that we stuff away inside.....they come out & all overflow at the same time & we can't distinguish them because it's all of them flowing together.

You have a lot of sadness going on right now.....the thoughts of loosing your own baby, the loss of Isla.....even though there is the joy of your cousin's new baby.....it sort of gets countered by your own loss that you weren't able to process.

I have a wonderful psychologist who lets you know that the emotions you are feeling are ok.......what ever we feel has a reason & we just need to be aware of understanding the reason & making sure that the emotions don't get 'out of control'......which means that we process what we are feeling with understanding & wisdom.......taken many years of my life to figure out so much of this....but it's kind of an amazing feeling when it starts to make sense & it's OK to feel those feelings that I feel......what a freedom that gives.

Enjoy your message & let yourself relax & feel good during that time.....it's your little vacation that you have earned to be able to let go of all those emotions that have built up inside causing your muscles to be that tense.

Gentle 's & thoughts for you during this difficult time.