Ok so t didn't really talk about my feelings just about the fact that maybe he's not being truthful with me.

Stuck in a baby obsessed rut right now. And it gets worse when I think about the boys mothers. They were good enough why aren't I? What did I do to deserve being held back?

Trying my best to not focus on anything right now. Going on a holiday just us two for a week to my grandparents we will have some time apart and some driving time to sort stuff out.

At the point where I'm feeling like its not worth going on anymore. That It would be better to leave or to not exist. Wouldn't do anything about either though. Too scared of both...