Thx....I know. I have been trying to do lots for myself.. gawd I was not doing anything for myself, just worrying about other people's input.. no wonder I had a total breakdown/anxiety attack and pushed him away.. I was ill equipped to handle a true loving relationship.

I am doing salsa, and taking a spirituality class in the form of learning about Kabbalah - no, I don't want to be like Madonna, I am Jewish and have been considering it for some time...
And it feels good you know, to do things for yourself.. who knew???? Seriously. Self care is so important and I really honestly just see now that I guess I thought my self care would be taken care of by outside opinions, outside actions.. wow. I have learned so much already.

The only remaining 'what if' is .. what if my man comes back and says, you know, it's too little too late. sorry.
ugh. I'm sick to think of it. You all will have one wild little poster on your hands if that is the case. Ultimately, I'd like him to come home, call me, and for us to have a long lovely walk and talk and just.. reconnect. fresh, healthy, new.