When I was in high school and college, I used to do many things to lose weight... severe restriction...which led to overeating when I couldn't take it anymore... which I woud usually vomit... that was how I viewed it.. I didn't think of it as eating disorder... After I married and started working and having kids....I didn't really have too big of an issue....seems to have leveled out... although I was progressively gaining weight..

20 years later... I go to this dr who puts me on a restrictive diet...not so much with the amount of food but the types of food since I am "insulin resistant"... I loved it.. there is such a "pleasure" that I get out of denying myself food...I stayed faithfully on it for 6 months ...

Then I had a stressful event happen and I went off the deep end... I told a friend that i was so upset this weekend...I was eating nonstop and ate so much I vomitted... and she called it "bingeing and purging".. i've never thought of it as that... could this really be an ED? how could it have been okay for so long?

So now... its a daily struggle to not give into the urge to purge even if I haven't eaten a lot of food..... i'm really want to go back on the diet it helped with so many of my other health issues but now I'm worried... will the extreme restriction lead to another binge? Why do I get such a "high" from denying myself food?

I told my T. about it but then I stopped therapy before we could talk about it...