I started trying to moderate or stop drinking a little over two years ago. About a year and a half ago I broke an elbow due to drinking and the first place I went was to AA. I went to meetings, got a sponsor, worked the steps, did everything I was told to do, but at some point I started experiencing extreme discomfort - anxiety, depression, inability to sleep; the joy of living I had found went away. I talked to people, did everything I was supposed to do, and nothing helped; so to relieve that pressure I drank. Ever since I've run through that same cycle countless times, until I finally stopped going to meetings. I recently broke my other elbow as a result of drinking. I haven't had a drink in a couple weeks due to the surgery and healing process, but my drinking pattern is one of the reasons I got into therapy in the first place.
First of all, I'm not booing any twelve-step programs. I think they do a lot of good - I can still apply a lot of what I learned even though I no longer actively participate in the community. I just don't think, at this point, it's working for me. I know people say that it works if I do it right, and believe me, it did, but there was a point that I was still doing it right and it wasn't working.
I've looked at a couple of other recovery programs, methods, what-have-yous, and a couple of them worked the same way as the twelve-step path did for me.
For the most part, I don't even want to drink or use drugs, since that's my secondary go-to. I recognize the voice of my addict saying it's bored and wants to go out. But when I'm keyed-up and sad and just want to relax and I know there's no way out of it, that's when there's trouble. And these periods of discomfort don't go away; I can sit on that feeling for weeks and it doesn't get any better no matter what I do.
So I was wondering if anyone had a similar experience, or even knows of someone who does, and has any advice to share. I'm not trying to get sympathy or anything; I just guess I want to know I'm not alone, and that this isn't hopeless, that someone else has broken out of this cycle.