I dont understand why everyone is saying he cant possibly love me(I know I said I wasn't sure but...I dont know)? People do things wrong without realising because he's had his own lifetime of problems and insecurities that lead him to act in certain ways. I have BPD which makes me push him away and then when he tries to give me space I panic and need him back close again. But he doesn't draw the conclusion that I cant possibly love him because I'm 18 and have issues. I'm in college, I've applied for university, I did my GCSEs whilst in my last relationship so my education doesn't really suffer, I've found a pathway that I'm pursuing.

I cant leave him because I know that it will trigger a major depressive episode and the thought of being like that again makes me want to jump in front of a train.

I am listening, really. I just don't understand WHY. He says he loves his wife yes, but it's more like she's a sibling than his wife.

What if I just end up with a man that's more ''age appropriate'' (even though if gender and race isn't an issue, neither should age) that treats me even worse because I dont know what a healthy relationship is. I literally have no idea. And honestly a ''healthy'' relationship sounds boring as f***, it doesn't sound like there's any passion if everyone just always tries to compromise and not rock the boat too much. How is that any way to live?

It really frustrates me that when I mention my relationship to people and age comes up people actually act DISGUSTED. But when I was with a 19 year old that beat me everyone was all smiles and telling me how wonderful he was?

Yes, this hurts because I wish I could have him all to myself. It makes me feel like I'm not enough to make him happy. I'm angry because I feel no-one ever fully understands what I'm saying.

Can't anyone tell me how to just improve my relationship? How to stop my mental problems from screwing everything up all the time?