Thank you guys. I know it's taken me a long time to reply, but I'm still getting my head on strait. I'm doing better now though, I hope.

Open Eyes,

"Switch will slowly learn that it is going to be ok, Switch will take what truly belongs to Switch as was always meant to be." - This means so much to me, thank you. It's really inspiring and I think I'm going to write it on my door somewhere so I see it and it reminds me to keep fighting. My meds are likely going to change again soon, and each new med is like a whole different world. Hopefully the next one will be better and more stable.
I know the others hold memories that I don't have, or at least they say they do. I am curious, but scared as to what the blocked out 6 months in my memory is, and I'm still not sure if I want to find out. I'm going to try and get a bit more fixed first, and then I'll see if I can delve into that unexplored pool in my mind.

gma45,

I'm very aware of what's going on with me, and it makes me know that what I'm experience isn't real. I can talk myself down from a lot of things. Some things I can't, but it definitely helps that I'm aware of what's going on with me.
Sometimes I think what I see is auras, and I know that if I concentrate I can actually see a persons aura, but I also see energy flows. I think that's part of what I see. Sometimes it gets hard to the 'real world' though. I know I have psychic abilities (I'm a decently accurate tarot and rune reader, and I know there's more in me that hasn't been discovered yet) but all of that goes away when I'm not doing good. I'd say it comes back when I'm about 90% stable and healthy. I've talked to a psychic and a few friends who either do tarot, or aura readings or even just are involved in any form of spirituality, and they say that it's obvious it goes away for me when I'm not healthy. I pray better when I'm healthy too, because my connection to God is fuzzy when I'm not healthy.
PC does help the loneliness. I just wish I had more. And I'm glad you like the cartoon.

wolfsong,

I've been diagnosed with bipolar 2, and "we think you might have ADD, and possible a personality or dissociative disorder, and probably other things". My therapist says I have a dissociative disorder, likely DDNOS (dissociative disorder not otherwise specified ), but he can't officially diagnose. Only pdoc's can. It's all up in the air which is frustrating. my BP2 doesn't fit the mold either, but they're positive it's a mood disorder, and that's the closes fit. The Seroquel is for the bipolar, but it's been affecting a few other things too (dissociation most prominently).
I've considered hospitalization, and although I know it would likely help I don't want to have to resort to it. Also I don't think I'm 'severe' enough to be hospitalized. The inability to SI and lack of suicidal intentions or thoughts is mostly why I'm not considered high priority. I do think it would do a lot for me though.
My behavior changes and fluctuates with or without meds, but I also noticed it changes significantly with. I was on Lamotragine (another mood stabilizer for BP) for a few months before they switched me to Seroquel.
My friends leaving me started just before I started Lamotragine, and was the cause of a major "messed up" episode (not entirely depression) and the others started showing up just as I was starting it. I'm not convinced that's why, but it's possible. A lot of it was because I had a depression period for 2 months before, and I stop talking to people when I'm depressed. I warn people I do this, but apparently they couldn't handle this one. Only one of my friends expressed concern with me going on meds, but he's still here so I don't think that's what it was. Most of them insisted that I should start meds!
I don't believe that cigarettes ACTUALLY want me dead (although they're certainly helping, lol) but I think that was me noticing that my mood drops when I smoke. Or at least recently. It never use to. Just one more thing for me to look into though. Cigarettes have never been addictive to me before. I'm a true 'on and off' smoker, and I never get traditional cravings like most smokers. And if I do start 'craving' a cigarette, I usually don't give in. Yay willpower!
"make sure you say how much you want to feel better,even ask them to imagine feeling the way you feel. feel. Appeal to them personally in that way and perhaps they will try harder to assist." - I'm going to try. I have a bad habit of rationalizing everything unless I'm in the moment. You can probably see the difference in my redirect in this post as opposed to the one above. My T is worried about that for me, and he thinks it's part of the reason people don't take me seriously. I think I'm going to print this off and show them next Monday.

All of you,

I want to say I'm really happy, and kinda impressed you took the time to read all of that! Thank you guys so much, it means a lot.
I will update you all of what's going on. Thank you all so much! I'm also really happy that all of you seemed to focus on different parts of my post. It made all your answers really fulfilling and helpful for everything. Thank you all so much for your concern. It makes me feel loved and cared for, and gives me a reason to fight.

It's people like you guys who make PC such a wonderful place.