when it comes to my ED.. some days, like today.. i'm really determined not to purge, try and get my life back to 'normal' and become healthy. the fact that i've been having mad heart palpitations helps with that determination
and other days, i'm just as determined to binge and purge, like yesterday.
this thinking is so warped i know that logically.. but i also think i wanna hang onto my ed.. its something that i 'feel' i have control over, and i know its never going to leave me.. is that weird for taking comfort in that?
i have no idea where to start 'healing' .. and i've been told i should be in treatment for this.. right now i have *no* plans to be in treatment.. i really dont wanna leave my kids.. but on the other hand.. i dont wanna die on them either
i also dont know the reason for this post.. i spose i just needed to express myself, and doing that verbally is just too hard for me..
any questions, comments, experiences, or whatnot are muchly apreciated.

~M