Yeah, about the judging thing - of course I judge. So does everyone else here! People who post here (me included) want to know what others feel about their situations. They're asking for our judgments. How do we do? It varies. Some people give a lot of information, some people not as much. Some have trouble expressing themselves, and others need encouragement and successive posts before they can bring themselves to describe what's going on.

So - If I'm jumping to conclusions without a lot of evidence, that's pretty much how it works on a message forum. All you get is the information you get. That's how it is on the nets

Hankster, I think you and Preacher may have picked up on something about my attitude toward people who are having trouble calling their Ts out on borderline unethical behavior or incompetence. Yes, I do get annoyed at the reluctance I sometimes see to take on a bad therapist (though I've been guilty of this reluctance myself).

When someone on the forum asks, "Should I tell my T that I have a problem with the fact that they hugged me when I said I didn't want to be hugged," I do sometimes feel like screaming YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!

Therapists have too much power. Clients are vulnerable. That's why the therapeutic situation is a powderkeg right out of the gate. A therapist doesn't have to be a predatory jerk to do damage to a person who's hurting and vulnerable. Incompetence can be every bit as damaging as hostility, and it's more common.

So yeah, therapists have TOO MUCH POWER. On the other hand, a therapist has to have power in order to be able to help their client. But we shouldn't grant them that power until they've earned it. It's ultimately up to the person paying for the session to exercise a normal degree of judgment and self-care in this situation. So I find myself urging that here, because I see it lacking sometimes.

Therapists are our employed helpers. They're not teachers or parents or gods or angels. There's no pressure for us to perform for them or to be "good enough" clients. They have to live up to what we need. There's no shortage of therapists, so if one doesn't work out, we're free to find another. Therapy isn't jail, but I see people just clinging to unhealthy situations as if there were no alternatives. It makes me sad.

On the forum recently, someone was having trouble extricating himself from a therapist who claimed that he couldn't leave her. To me, there's no gray area in a situation like this. If the person is asking my input, I'm going to give it!

In a perfect world, every therapist would be gifted and caring, and every client would be on the way to enlightenment and recovery. Since it ain't necessarily so, we have a forum for complaining, venting, ranting, encouraging, supporting, occasionally celebrating, and giving reality checks when they're desperately needed.

If it was a perfect world, all the posts would be: "Wow, my therapist was so amazing, I had such a great session." And all the responses would be, "Hey, that's great!"

Unfortunately we're not there, so why not call it what it is?

My one wish for everyone on this board would be:

Trust yourself.
Take care of yourself.
Exercise good judgment.

And - if your therapist sucks, kick 'em to the curb!

Oh - did you see how many views this thread has gotten? I don't seem to be having any kind of negative effect on your discussion by that measure.