<font color="#000088">Wow it is so amazing. This is the first time in my whole life that I have truly been able to find a word that describes and really gives meaning to how I am feeling. Feelings were not really something that was allowed to be felt let alone be talked about or thought of when we were younger and even in our adult life.

The past few weeks there has been major missing of time. Not just a few moments here and a few moments there, but hours to days of me the host not being present or aware of what is going on. I am so freaking out because there is so much going on in my life that I truly need to be present about what is going on. I have a few alters that are present at this time that are being very disruptive/disturbing/destructive towards the system, towards me. I was talking to T tonight and was truly trying to find out what has been going on and how I am really feeling at this time. I said that I felt disoriented, disconnected, etc., but it didn't truly feel that it described enough of how I felt. I told T that I am thinking of this feeling or this word, but am not even sure if it is a word. The word is discombobulated. She said it is a word that she would use, but is unsure if it is in the dictionary. So we both looked it up. This is what the word means.

Discombobulate

V 1: cause to be confused emotionally 2: be confusing or perplexing to; cause to be unable to think clearly.

Wow so freaky. It is exactly how I am feeling. It is such a relief to have a word to explain how I am feeling. So empowering to know that I could express how I felt with just a word. All the times before it the past I could do guesses and use words that could touch on feelings just a little bit. Not totally touch basis with how I am feeling, but this word describes it totally/big time. WOW is all I can say.
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