After all you've been through, bluemountains ...
--the abuse
--the shame
--the pain
--all the long battles for understanding, recovery, healing, coping, forgiving ...
--after all the trauma and the flashbacks and the doing it all over again and the wondering whether it would ever really be over and realizing that--no, it would never all be over finally and forever ... Life's just not that "clean" or "simple" ...

bluemountains, it is not possible for you to experience the death of this man with any sort of normal emotion. The end of your lifelong nightmare is in sight, and your emotions are shutting down. Let them.

You don't have to feel anything about his death. Not now. Maybe never. If you do, you do.

If people ask, just say: It's complicated. Leave it at that. That says it all, dear one.


Roadie