It never gets easier just more difficult no matter what I try. How much can one person take. Don't want to say what but what happened today is too much.

Why does everything seem to be trying to tell me that life with my abusive, alcoholic, drug addict (now reformed, supposedly) ex was and could have been much better than what is happening to us (my kids and I) now and whatever will happen.

I'm so disappointed in myself the way I allowed my life to turn out and for robbing my children of a normal family life.

And on a side note, why can't I lose a single pound even after all I try so I can at least START consider letting myself be attractive enough to date. I have gained so much weight and I look and feel awful. There is no hope or potentials for me meeting someone in person so I would have to start online dating and I need to look good for that- I could not take the rejection of them seeing me as fat and ugly so I joined a gym and work out a lot every day and have been controlling my eating and everything but it seems like it will be an eternity before I lose any weight at all. I haven't seen any results at all and I don't get it. *sigh* so many things going wrong for me.

Sorry for the self-pity rant but I have no one in my life and no friends or anyone to talk to, can't afford a therapist so this board is all I have...I apologize again...

anyway, all the best to everyone. hugs to all.