Thanks for the encouragement everyone.
I just get overwhelmed sometimes when I realize I have to go through this and be on this oral chemo crap for the rest of my life, unless they find a cure. The only cure now is a bone marrow transplant. There are times when I just go about my life and all is well. Then there are times when this "hits" me and I'm a mess. The PTSD just feeds the fear.
My Dr. was a little gruff with me because I missed a blood test. One silly blood test. The first one I missed in almost four years now.
Got the whole "importance" of monitoring my counts speech, especially because the results are all wacky again.
Just feeling sorry for myself, I guess.