Hi,

Having been at the depths of despair myself and knowing the tremendous desperation and hopelessness it takes to come to the conclusion that the only way out is to undermine everything you know to be right and true and end your own life.

I very rarely let people close enough to see the depths of my pain. Last year I had let in my minister and his wife. As I sat in my room in the psychiatric hospital contemplating suicide I thought, "Who deserves to hurt more? Me or my minister and his wife?" I ended up deciding that I deserved to hurt more and that meant I had to live.

Here I am. I know now not to escalate, so when I'm feeling depressed I try not to let it escalate to suicidal thinking, planning, and imaging. Still, if I had killed myself it would not have been because I intended to hurt others. I believe committing a selfish act requires the intent to cause harm to others.

Just my thoughts, thanks for the topic.

Q