Two weeks ago, I made an emergency visit to my psych clinic and saw the head of psychiatry. I had been off pills for a couple of weeks (they made me really manic) and I was having mixed episodes in-between rapid cycling. My usual p-doc was on vacation, so the head of the clinic gave me Saphris. The first day, the med knocked me out; but the second day I had a really bad reaction (I was shaking violently and could hardly breathe). I didn't go to the ER (I should have); but, needless to say, I stopped taking the medication.

Today, I finally got in to see my usual p-doc. She said she has given up on me. She won't give me any more meds and wants me to go to counseling. I have had allergic reactions to meds before and she thinks it will just happen again. She knows I am Bipolar and she knows this is chemical, but she said she is absolutely refusing to give me anything else. I offered to try Seroquel again because I had a positive experience before the meds stopped working and she told me "no." She said take some Xanax for any anxiety and simply try to go to counseling to change my lifestyle.

I am a bit devastated. This is the second p-doc to give up on me. I have been to counseling before and counseling alone does not work. I can't believe any doctor would simply send someone like me out the door. She knows I am going to get bad again. I told her I am turning in assignments late and barley making it to class. I told her I feel absolutely hopeless and she seemed like she was shrugging it off.

I don't know what to do. The logical thing is to call the clinic and ask to see someone else. The head of the psychiatry office may be an option. Obviously, she didn't know the Saphris would give me a bad reaction, but at least she tried to help! I saw another lady months ago and she made me uncomfortable. She started talking about ECT and had quotes from Darwin on her walls. It's a small clinic, so I don't have a lot of options. I can't afford to go elsewhere. I might e-mail the p-nurse and see what she thinks. She's been a bit of an advocate for me, so she might know.

I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.