My sympathies. My wife and I had a similar situation after being married 28 years. Only after years of my suggesting counselling, did she finally agree to do it. She only did that after I had threatened her with divorce and we both got lawyers. We went through 12 weeks of counselling, taking tests, etc. At first it seemed to help. However later she accused me and the counselor of "ganging up on her." Now, we have been married 46 years and still have most of the same problems. I am just resigned to "riding it out" at this stage of my life. I wish I had gotten divorced when I was in my twenties. The moral of all this is: if both partners aren't motivated to get counselling and have a good attitude about it, I doubt it will do any good. Good luck.