Rio,

I can totally understand that. My father left when I was 13, and never looked back, my mother kicked me out at 14 and she moved to Saudi Arabia, left me in Canada, alone, and on the streets, literally.

Basing men on what your father does is not inevitable, unless you want it to be. The good thing about perceptions is that we have the ability to change them.

I cannot base my perception of women or men on my parents, because these are only 2 people out of 7 billion. Scientifically this would not be an acceptable predictor.

I cannot do it also because if I did, I would be alone forever, I mean if the 2 people who were supposed to love me and care for me both did this to me. Why should I think I have any value at all ? To any one else ? It would be like a death sentence. It's distorted thinking, is it true? No it's not true.

Even harder when you have had not one man, but more treat you badly ( your ex ), now we are stacking up evidence, that proves our perception of men right. You and me both have experienced that. That trust in men is very hard to regain. And granted should not be given freely to any man. But you don't want it to control you either, you want to take control. You also don't want to self fulfill these prophesies.

I think the only way to get there is healing old wounds, working on our perceptions, and building a solid relationship with ourselves. The hard and scary part for most of us, because it requires that we ourselves must change, change is hard, hardest thing we ever have to do. Changing our perceptions, Whoa, mega hard! In the end sooo worth it tho, and all it takes is motivation, whatever that motivation might be. If you want to.

As for the human instinct thing, my bf would not want a 15 year old. Humans have lost a lot of our instincts, because we do not live in conditions or environments where we actually need to rely on them. We also have great self control. But this made me curious, and I am only posing this out of curiosity, if that instinct for 15 year olds still holds true, what would it mean for women then? Wouldn't the men be more desirable younger and not older? Say maybe in their 20's when they are fit, in their sexual prime and potent ?