It was the "being real enough to feel pain and have blood" that made me cut so much. I couldn't ever see myself stopping. Part of me is glad that I did, but I miss it in a twisted way. I get the urges every now and then to slice-and-dice my skin but, I don't.

When I feel like I need to cut, I give my closest friends a call. They remind me, without knowing it, that I don't need to hurt any more than the world throws me. Sometimes when I don't feel like talking to anyone, I just go out and run until I can't breathe. Usually excersizing until it hurts is a good replacement. It helps to find something that isn't so dangerous but can hurt as much, I think. Like doing sit ups until it burns, things like that.

You know? We hurt already, I think we just need to feel that moment of realization when we know that WE shouldn't hurt OURSELVES, too.
I think part of getting better is to become in tune with yourself. I know this may make me sound like a hallmark card, but I think it's kind of true. I pay more attention to myself, pay more attention to the world. I just get in tune with me and realized it usually isn't my fault. I did lash out @ other people, but it never made me want to cut. I always cut because someone was hurting my feelings. You know what though, my dear self-hurters? It isn't our fault. When I get in a situation that makes me feel bad about myself, I cry but realize "wait a minute... I'm not the one that mother trucker should be getting mad at. They need to put themselves in check." And I force it toroll of my shoulders. I don't know if I've been any help at all, I know that sometimes people try but it never even (pardon my choice of words) scratch the surface.

Even if I haven't helped, i hope that one day you will wake up, suddenly notice the beautiful world and think, "You know, it does get really bad. But in a place like this, with a life to live, it can't ever get bad enough to hurt myself anymore." Man, I feel like a "Lifetime, television for women" movie. If I didn't help, I want all of you to know I'll be here if no one else will. ; )