here on this site or here on this earth?

Here on this site - I stay because there are people here that care about me and I care about them and no matter what I am going through there is at the least one person and post that knows and has gone through what I have.

Here on this earth - well dispite having two terminal illnesses I am still alive so obviously some part of me wants to be on this earth,

I also know that when my child does come home he is going to need me to be here to help him navigate how to livie outside residential treatment centers, and someone to show him that he is worth my staying here for.

Above all No matter how easy it is to pick up a bottle of pills he does not deserve having to go through the effects that my death woud do to him by my selfishly choosing the easy way out.

If I die then my abusers win not me for I wont be here
If I die I haven't hurt myself for I will no longer feel the pain but I will be hurting my child, my friends and family for they would be left with such pain and anger that my death could and possibly would take some of them over into leaving this world too.

So I unselfishly choose to stay in this world for my child, my friends and family and to prove my abusers lost and I am the winner regardlless of what they did to me.