what I meant with "my actions" is smoking, drinking, self-harm, taking pills (rarely). I know it sounds bad and I'm ashamed of it but...
I see my T once a week and well...what can I say...She's nice and I like but as I see it, we talk about things not that important and I can't control it cause I get lost in the conversation. Also, I don't feel okay talking about my real feelings towards suicide cause she had told me before that I may have to stay in a clinic for some time if I go on like this.