Hello All,

Well as destiny would have it, being without a cigarette has not been fun and I ended up in the quiet room shortly after posting my first post on this thread. I ended up firing my meal tray across the room into the wall. But all is better now, they finally decided to give my a nicotine patch. (I swear you have to act out to get one, and I'm sure each patch is like 100.00 lol).

I'm taking my meds as they are given out now, last night was the first night I was given Zyprexa and it knocked me on my arse. I slept probably for 14 hrs straight. They won't let me wear my CPAP because of the hosing, they think that I may be suicidal so as per usual I can't have anything like that. I have made threats of suicide in the past, and have secured that record again during this stay. I can honestly tell you that most times right before I am admitted like this time, I am pretty much right on the edge.

I lost my computer priveledges yesterday, but regained them now. I am incontinent due to a car accident in 2005 and without getting into to much detail, they don't allow me to wear the protective undergarment (diaper) in here either because I can "possibly suffocate myself with it." Trust me, I won't be doing that LOL.

I'm trying to be good, but I'm like a 12year old when I am in here, I always have to start some sort of drama to make it thru. I guess its a coping mechanism I guess.

I sat with the Therapist, his name is Tyler and very cute too, being that I am gay and he is obviously gay it made it easier to try to speak. I got out some of the very recent and current feelings that have been plaguing me, but I refused to do much more than that. Tyler my T feels I should be in here for atleast 2-3 weeks so I can get stabilzed and be able to open up. I was like WTF, I'm not a danger to myself or others, but they feel under the right circumstances I may be, but seriously, who isnt under the right circumstances. He asked me if I would like to be possibly transferred to a different facility, and I was given 2 options. State Hospital (but non - commited) or to another community hospital. I was like WHY? Why would you ask that, well apparently they think that my behavior indicates something more other than BiPolar could be going on, and might benefit me more. I dunno. I guess I will let the Dr. decide.

Anyways this is my update, this is one of the FEW sites I'm allowed to look at. Apparently the pysch ward is not a place to view pornography when you are bored, I learned my lesson, thats why I don't have access to my Android. I'll try to be good, for me and ya'll.

-Chandler Bing