Work is one thing. There the rules are set and what to do is easy. With something as tricky as kids he might just not have the ability to plan. He might not grasp humans very well. People like that might even escape to work because that is easy and he understands it, while socializing is a mystery and a drain on energy, a field of shortcomings and maybe even a field in which he has no interest.

Either he doesn't understand HOW to care, or maybe he simply doesn't care about sick wife and kids. If he doesn't care, I wouldn't know how to change that. If he cares, he could find ways of showing. I myself have no problem caring for sick people because for me it is a concrete thing. I can bring someone foods, drinks, blankets and so on. I'm not very good at saying comforting things, but I sort of assume me running round like crazy would hint to them I care (I think I care at least. I know taking care of sick people is the right thing to do).

Some things people can learn, some they can't. I learned tons about how those mysterious creatures called human beings THINK, through the Internet. You can't imagine how much non verbal communication there really is online (but ironically through words), but for a big part, the Internet (chats, forums) makes more for an even ground for people with Asperger's to meet normies. If he is anything like me, he should dump the porn and use his online time for communication.

Now with that said, maybe he doesn't like hanging out with people. Then he will have no wish to learn anything.

People with Asperger's can be very set in their ways. There is learning to be a little flexible, but it is very painful. Change really hurts me. I think it is because a normie sort of projects his image onto the world and then live in that world. For me, I go out in the world and I see it as it is. When they cut down a tree here it really upset me because it changed everything. Most people would not even see the tree gone because they would not see the world as it is. A cup for me is an individual cup. For most people, a cup is within the bigger concept of cups. One cup is like any cup, even looking different they are just cups. For me, one cup IS the concept. Every single part of the world is one entity. So when you set them in a particular order (physically and habit wise), they don't create a whole, but they create a pattern you expect and recognize. Changing one thing is like pulling the bottom card of a house of cards.

Just my opinion, but working on social skills in a family, is much more important than working on tolerating change in your set ways.

I really don't think it sounds like he has mild Asperger's. I mean, he works and all. I don't. But still, from what you say, he has more severe Asperger's than I do. Or maybe it's an age thing. I didn't start developing social skills until I was around 30.

I go to a life skills psychologist. Or did, rather. I don't know if they exist where you live. They specialize in Autism spectrum and the goal is to make the "patient" have a more efficient and satisfying way of living.

I'm sorry if I sounded angry in the other post.. not having a particularly good day today. Didn't mean for that to seep into my post.