I get everything you write about. I'm much worse though because with me it can occur in relationships, as well as, close friendships. So I'll give you my opinions..
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Originally Posted by learningtoaccept
I get SO mad, so easily, and it feels at the time like it's justified and then I just feel stupid later. It goes similar each time. I get mad about something, and leave as fast as possible while acting really cold
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With these comments it makes me wonder if you're too dependent on him. Can you find things to do without him and be content or happy? If you can't, then this is the place too start.
This is also what we'll call the 1st stage, and it's the intense anger which Wolfsong writes about.
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anxiety about my relationship ending builds and builds until we talk it over. OR, I get mad, and we have an argument over it.
And I always get so insecure about my relationship afterward that I become DESPERATE to fix what I started. And my boyfriend has started to pull away when I get this way, which means I am home trying to get a hold of him to fix it and probably come across completely clingy, which obviously would make him pull away more. It's at the point where if I get mad and storm out, he doesn't respond to texts or answer calls for a while. Which makes me EVEN MORE insecure, and I have panic attacks constantly until we fix things.
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This would be stages 2 & 3, which probably causes more damage than stage 1. It's a BPD trait of real or imagined abandonment and frantic efforts to avoid. It's also black/white logic.... So your cycle is something like this...
Everything is great with you and bf (you function fine) --> arguement occurs/intense anger (stage 1) ---> this is where black/white logic takes place...The relationship isn't great anymore, yet it's not over either --> Stage 2 you begin to have real or imagined abandoment thoughts ---> stage 3 you begin to make frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment this leads to clingyness/neediness/overbearing/smothering
--> these stages will repeat until your black/white logic is resolved. Either the relationship will become great again or it will end.
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We have been seeing each other for 7 months, and we met 12 years ago(only got back in touch over facebook a couple years back). I was his first love and he was crazy about me and it drives me insane how much I have killed that. I want to fix things. SO BAD. How do I fix this?
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1... AGAIN..... Are you tooo dependent on him? Relying on him too much for your happiness?
2...You also mention "he was crazy about you" and "drives you insane how much you killed that" makes me think you're having a hard time transitioning in the relationship.. The intensity of your relationship is going to be different at 7 months compared to what it was after your 1st month. In some ways it makes me think.. that what you're thinking is because it's not the way it was when we first started seeing one another then something must be wrong..
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How do I get control over my anger?
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You may want to consider dbt therapy. There's an online guide where you can get an idea of what it's like..
www.dbtselfhelp.com
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I want so bad to suggest couples counseling but I feel like it's too soon and if we ALREADY need counseling then maybe we should just break up. I tried to end things a couple weeks ago and he talked me out of it and begged me to stay with him. I don't want to be a crazy girlfriend.
PLEASE HELP. 
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From what you describe the issues are really yours, and related to bpd. I think, you need to try and get into dbt therapy.. If you get into couples counceling you'd want to make sure they know of your bpd. The counceling would help him better understand what's taking place within you. It really begins with you though, imo.
My last bit of advice would be... really pay close attention to the emotions you're experiencing at each stage and really try to identify them. Ask yourself questions like.. What is it "REALLY" that's making you angry? Make sure you articulate what it is that making you mad. Don't expect him to know or to read your mind. If you do storm out and walk away angry.. pay close attention to those emotions.."what are they about" "why are you feeling them"... Try and distract yourself or do something to avoid coming across as clingy.
As I said at the very beginning I deal with this in romantic relationships, friendships.. I still F**K up more often than not. I'm trying to get better.. It takes practice, and I'm nowhere near being great at this. I'm convinced though the key is really understanding what is taking place within at each stage, and really identifying what those emotions are, why you're feeling them...and then finding ways to combat them. I like to think if I can get to this stage where I fully identify what those emotions are, why I feel them, I'll be more equipt to anticipate triggers which will help me avoid conflict... That's my theory at least.. Hopefully one day I'll find out if I'm right or wrong..
Hopefully, something in here will help....
Good luck,
-cbox