Welcome to psychcentral lonely... sorry to hear how desperate you are. I understand, especially about God.

If giving up God, and the desires for love and family makes you feel better, than go with it, but I sense that you really don't wish to do that.

IMHO I think you also don't wish to end your life, but to end the way your life is now. At this age you CAN make changes, and you post shows that you are ready to do so.

You might want some professional help to guide you on your path... someone who allows your belief in God, because that will become important again.

Come back and post often, you will find many caring ppl here.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>