I want to add that I started recognizing things that make me more anxious a few months back. For example, if we don't have plans ahead of time for the weekend, I am anxious all weekend wondering when we will see each other and if we don't see each other when I'd hoped I get upset. He is aware of this and I let him know that I need to make weekend plans ahead of time so that I don't have to feel anxious over it. This was something we did for a long time and then we started just "winging it" and then I started to assume we would just see each other all weekend, leaving lots of space for disappointment.

I continue letting him know things that I need in order to feel less anxious. I think for me it's just a huge learning experience because all of my previous relationships were before my son was born, when I was an addict. I got into my addictions after my first real relationship so everything since was really unstable. So now is the first time I am able to really recognize how I am acting, instead of feeling like it's all the other person's fault. So of course I have to keep having these HUGE realization about my behaviours before I can try to change them.

It just sucks. I don't want to learn by screwing up, I just want to know how to handle these things like a normal person...