justme, i had to learn that i was not validated by family. i felt misunderstood or their being dismissed about what i said. i was often the scapegoat. i learned that i needed to set boundaries with them. i learned to be assertive in my communications with others.
this is true even in your present. instead of getting angry, etc you can learn to do the same now/boundaries and using assertiveness. it's not easy but it helps if we know our opinion is ours. it is our truth. so not reacting to the other person can empower us. for every negative reaction there's another negative response. you have a right to your own opinion. as you learn that, you can work on being assertive not fight back. use the "I" word. an example when you feel yourself defensive state, i feel....when we talk. i'd like for us to have a better way to communicate. you have a right to your opinion as well as i do. how bout we agree to disagree?
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Being assertive: Reduce stress, communicate better. Assertiveness can help you control stress and anger and improve coping skills. Recognize and learn assertive behavior and communication.
By Mayo Clinic staff
Being assertive is a core communication skill. Being assertive means that you express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view, while also respecting the rights and beliefs of others. Being assertive can also help boost your self-esteem and earn others' respect. This can help with stress management, especially if you tend to take on too many responsibilities because you have a hard time saying no.
Some people seem to be naturally assertive. But if you're not one of them, you can learn to be more assertive.
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http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/assertive/SR00042
Quote:
So you felt that……..
So you believe that…….
What I hear you saying is………Am I hearing you correctly?
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Quote:
What Is Assertiveness?:
Assertiveness is the ability to express one’s feelings and assert one’s rights while respecting the feelings and rights of others. Assertive communication is appropriately direct, open and honest, and clarifies one’s needs to the other person. Assertiveness comes naturally to some, but is a skill that can be learned. People who have mastered the skill of assertiveness are able to greatly reduce the level of interpersonal conflict in their lives, thereby reducing a major source of stress.
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http://stress.about.com/od/relations...leassertiv.htm
and ways to deal with invalidation-do's and don'ts http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehavio...alidation.html
i hope these suggestions may help you.
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
Last edited by madisgram; Feb 24, 2012 at 11:47 AM.
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