Maybe you can try and do small activities together?
My parents have been together about as long as you have. They don't do a LOT together, but they set out a period of time everyday to watch t.v./movie/talk about politics. They will also make dinner for one another sometimes, too. My sister and I don't live with them, either. (We're 19 and 22 respectively)
My dad is a recovering alcoholic (17-18 years?) and he volunteers a lot. It bugged my mom in the beginning but she realized it helped in his recovery and self-worth.
Also your son is old enough that he should respect both of his parents. If he can't follow your house rules you should kick him out.
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"You got to fight those gnomes...tell them to get out of your head!"
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