Hi, I'm new here. I haven't read many of the posts yet, so I'm sorry to just jump right in. Pretty desperate as of late. I have concerns that I might be dissociating, but I keep thinking that I'm just being absurd. I'm 42 and have a history of mental health problems (depression, eating disorders, anxiety, cutting, OCD, etc.). I've been on medication since I was 14. I've been in talk therapy off and on throughout the years, but have repeatedly quit, because I consistently got worse instead of better. I finally quit for good and managed to put everything behind me and forget about it all - didn't want anything to do with the mental health system at all (except to continue my meds). I got married, had a child, full-time job, etc. I recently changed Psych docs because of insurance changes and I was exasperated with the other one and he suggested that I try "talk therapy" again. For whatever reason, I wasn't prepared and said "sure, what the hell, I'll try." I went the next day and she asked me about my family of origin and it was as if the floodgates opened. I said things that I didn't even think about - couldn't believe I was saying these things. Ever since then, I have been a basket case - suicidal, cutting, scared, anxious, panicky. It's like a switch went off. Last week in the session, the counselor asked me some questions and I felt like I couldn't handle the question, it felt like I was going to sleep, literally, my eyes were getting very heavy, I was looking off to the side. I couldn't speak or move. I have no idea how much time passed and she called out my name and I jumped back and looked at her. I don't remember what her questions were exactly, but this happened 3 times. It's like I felt very far away, deep within myself. No connection to that room, my body, or anything for that matter. I have never felt any connection to my body. I can't seem to feel anything about my past when I do talk about it. I have what I call "the conversations" in my head that drive me insane. Constant chatter that comment on my behavior, have conversations amongst each other, to me, about me, etc. I can't stop it. I wake up to it, it wakes me up, I become totally unaware of what's around me, because I get involved in the conversations at times. I avoid being around people because I don't want anyone to notice. Also, it's as if they have to talk. I have to hold it together when I'm around other people and hurry home to let them talk. I had managed to completely eliminate this for years!!! And in 1 day, they're back! I don't feel like I lose time, but I do have large memory gaps that I have attributed to drinking large amounts of diet coke. Sorry for the long post. Thanks for reading. Does this sound like dissociation or could it be something else? Honestly, dissociation just seems so out there to me. No offense to anyone.