Quote:
Originally Posted by Woundedheart1
Your stuck in a mental cycle mind trap. You need something to break the cycle. Take it from someone who severly abused laxatives they dont help u loose weight. Just fluids. You will drastically alter your enzymes critical to your survival as well as your potassium electrolytes and phosphates. There are not many things more painful than a potassium drip trust me I've had sseveral. The purging is also messing with your electrolytes too. I'm not bulimic but have been in treatment with people who have had serious problems as a result. I know you don't want to go bc you probally feel someone is taking part of your identity away but your at a jumping off point where your symptoms have taken over. Maybe if you upped your sessions with your docs it would be a nrgotiating point to say I'll work with you if I don't have To go I've done that in the past but sometime s we have to bite the bullet and just get the extra help good luck.
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Lodgically I do understand what your saying, yet at the same time I am so afraid of gaining any weight. I've already lost two hundred lbs and I don't want to go back to where I was. That was miserable there to. Plus now I have had to have 2 total knee replacements recently. My surgeion told me for every extra pound I carry thats an added 3 pounds of pressure added on to each of my knee caps. I still have approx fourty to fifty lbs to take off. I know at what cost? It's this war going on in my head. I look in the mirror and i still see that big fat person I started at approx 2 years ago. I want so bad to stop, yet I still have so far to go to lose the rest of my weight. I'm exhausted, I don't sleep, my peroids are gone, I can't go to the bathroom normally anymore. My doctor told me if I don't start going soon I will have to go and see a gastro specialist. My doctor said if those tests come back abnormally I could end up w/ a colostomy bag. My doctor did blood work. I'm anemic, malnurtished and I had a kidney infection which has since then been cleared up. You think that would stop me and wake me up. Yet I keep going. I don't know how. I just want to curl up in a ball somewhere and cry. I wish someone could just understand, I'm not doing this on purpose, I didn't choose this. I did start losing weight to get healthy a few years ago and it has turned into my worst nightmare. I wish someone could just scoop me up and take care of me during a time when I obvioulsy am unable to care for myself. I've never been so scared in all my life.
Angel4024