Unless you rarely saw your father, I don't believe you don't remember him. Neither college nor getting a job should be seen as painful experiences; it's high time you talked to your school counselor or school nurse and described briefly that you are at sea and have no support in becoming a fully-functioning adult. It's past time for you and your mother to become a team when it comes to getting you on the path to adulthood; if she is unwilling or unable to help you, then you need to seek other qualified adults to help you, and the school counselor, a favorite teacher, or school nurse or trusted adult should be enlisted to help you. I have seen the end result of your crippling fear (and that is what I believe it is) and it isn't pretty and whatever you are suffering now is nothing compared to being a person approaching old age and never having lived a whole life because of a life-time of bad choices. The way to overcome "whatever it is that I'm dealing with" is one step at a time. Start with your guidance counselor.