i barely even look at my therapist during sessions, so in that way i don't pay attention. but you can still get a vibe if your T is off their game for a day or whatever...from tone of voice, or maybe how they react to what you're saying, or they are more silent than usual..etc. a few years ago my T had to cancel our session at the last minute because her college friend was killed suddenly She is in her 50s...so you know, they must have been friends for a long time. I felt SO horribly, and didn't want to go back to therapy because my problems can't even begin to compare to that. I went back the next week very reluctantly and nervous. I told her I was so sorry for what happened, and it was awful. She just said "Yes, it really is," and thanked me.

That was it. She seemed fine otherwise--so she must have a good support system. I've noticed over the years that around that time is when I may have a session where it doesn't feel quite right, and i think "oh, well this is probably a hard time," and then move on.

When I called her over the weekend at one point, I came in and apologized or something about bothering her over the weekend. She said "Don't worry about bothering me--that isn't your job." I guess she is right, but I think I am so used to worrying about everyone's reactions to me, that it feels unnatural.