Thank you Sabrina for you kind words. I used to self medicate with the alcohol many years ago, not an alcoholic, but I could see how I could be very easily.... It scares me which is why I don't drink.. but I want to so badly. I don't even know if it will be fun, since I would be alone. I know no one here at all and going to a bar is a bit scary now, geez it never use to be...... I wish I knew what I should do for me, I can't take much more of this, I am not living, I merely exist and that is barely.. Thanks for caring enough to answer. hugs right back to you..