I've been battling my crazy thoughts for longer then I can remember, and I've never had trouble going to my doctor and expressing my worries(he was my dr. Since I was born)...he retired last year and now I have to rebuild a trusting relationship with the new doc that took over. He's ok, already I've noticed small things about referrals and stuff that don't get done, but overall I'm sorta comfortable talking to him. I was in a few months ago because the pharmacy totally changed my meds on me and I was going downhill with suicidal thoughts, hopelessness, and the strong urge to run away from my life(which ive done, more then once)...so I asked for a referral to a psychiatrist, preferably one specializing in substance abuse, and he said there's none anywhere close to where I live. Really? Not anywhere? So, I don't know where to turn next. The med issue is better, I suppose, I'm on the max dose of lamotrigine and the suicidal thoughts have not returned, but when I go to bed I can't stop thinking about what a horrible person I was. How stupid I was. Etc. Etc. Etc.....

Sorry for the novel, if you're still reading thank you for listening