The really cool thing about understanding transference is that you can use it as a tool to understand your reactions in a variety of real life relationships. Over the past year my T worked extensively with me to stop isolating myself and become involved with other people, and we used many sessions to assess my progress and make sense of my reactions to people as I developed new relationships through a volunteer position at a local human service agency. I'm actually becoming quite good at noticing when I'm having unusually strong reactions to people, both positive and negative, and I can step back and ask myself if this person reminds me of anyone in my past, and if so, how? This process has enabled me to moderate my behavior toward people so that I don't immediately reject a relationship with someone I have strong negative feelings toward, and I don't immediately try to get too close to someone I have intensely positive feelings toward. There were two women in particular that I had negative reactions to immediately, both of whom I needed to have regular contact with at this agency, and I almost quit before I even got started. But with my T's help and encouragement, I was able to understand where my reactions were coming from, and now, a year later, I feel very comfortable with both of those women.
It's really fascinating to understand how our past experiences shape our lives and influence our decisions in relationships. If I had followed my "gut feelings" in that situation I would have left the agency immediately, and I would have missed out an experience that's been tremendously healing in a variety of ways and has helped me rely far less on my T for outside support, because now I have a network of new relationships that are both satisfying and reciprocal.